“[S]ometimes hesitation and delay are appropriate responses to new situations, conflicts, and the possibilities of growth. Mature action often demands the long pause of reflection and consideration. A series of such pauses can take the posture and form of procrastination. Yet when such pauses lead to positive action they are not truly procrastination.” - L. Birner
Think about it: If it really matters to you, you will lose your balance. Are you willing to pay the cost?
Envy can be dealt with only by giving up the wish and accepting reality. Or, paraphrasing Lao Tzu: Return to your original true self, be one with yourself, refrain selfness and diminish desires.
Eight Ways To Boost Your Self-Esteem:
As I write these lines, I see the snow falling outside.
We are coming to the end of a calendar year, an arbitrary measurement of time when many ponder the turns and events of the year, the losses, the challenges and accomplishments. This is the end of a journey around the sun, and its beginning. As I work with my patients, the (unspoken) question crystallizes, in and out of awareness, as I participate in reverie with them, in their joys and sorrows, their satisfactions and regrets: "Is my life meaningful?"
I see the snow falling outside, and I remember Su Tong P'o's poem (ca 1100). He wrote it to his brother Su Ch'e, in honor of an old monk they had met while traveling together.
Remembering Min Ch’e
A Letter to Su Ch'e
What is our life on earth?
A flock of migrating geese
Rest for a moment on the snow,
Leave the print of their claws
And fly away, some East, some West.
The old monk is no more.
There is a new gravestone for him.
On the broken wall of his hut
You can’t find the poems we wrote.
There’s nothing to show we’ve ever been there.
The road was long. We were tired out.
My limping mule brayed all the way.
May we all leave beautiful prints behind us as we travel around the sun once again.
"We humans have blind spots. It's hard for us to see our own failings, but it can be very easy for us to see what’s wrong with other people. Those around us, particularly our partners, are like mirrors: We see clearly what we don’t like, but we get it backwards: It’s not them, it’s us." - Christine L. Carter
"Dating is a process of collecting and assessing information, determining how we fit and feel with potential mates." (Jenna Birch).
However, if your "gut reactions" lead always in the same direction with different mates, you may want to explore what unconscious dynamics are at play that may hinder the possibility of fulfilling relationships. Psychoanalysis can help.
I am a Psychoanalyst with ample experience working with people from different cultural and ethnic backgrounds, gender identities, sexual orientations, and family structures.